Tips for a happy marriage...

Hey, y'all.... John and I had a very marriage-enriching weekend. We drove to Logan to host "Time out for Couples" for Deseret book to a full auditorium at Utah State University. Not only did we have the joy of listening to wonderful speakers about enriching your marriage, but we got to speak as well. Then on Sunday I got to teach the lesson in Relief Society about how to have a happy marriage.

Here are a few highlights with take home value (things you can do RIGHT NOW) to enrich your marriage.

1) Don't let the kids stay up in the primary family area past 9:30 p.m. (I personally say 8:30). Tell your kids that a la Cinderella, when the hour strikes, you no longer are a mom, but a wife. Illustrate with passionate kissing if the kids refuse to comply, and soon there will be no problems.

2) Date at least 3 times a month. Merilee Boyack says that your husband will feel second place to the kids if you don't take time out for him! She said some mothers are so nervous about leaving their kids with babysitters that they won't date their husbands. Simply put....your children will not die if left with someone while you and your hubby grab a burger, but your marriage just might. You need the time alone.

3) Go over night alone with your spouse at least once a year.

4) When was the last time you got a little "treat" for your kids at the store? (uh, yesterday?) When was the last time you got a little "treat" for your spouse? Simply grab that Almond joy or little bunch of flowers at the checkout for major bonus points.

5)Invest in sticky notes! In 10 seconds flat you can make her/his day by leaving a little sticky note on the windshield of the car, in the shower, on the fridge. It doesn't have to say more than "you're a hottie" and will keep them smiling all day.

6) Don't start to demand what you really should appreciate. When your husband/wife does the dishes, ALWAYS say thank you....even if it IS their "job." Do they empty the trash? Do they fill up your car with gas? Mow the lawn? All things should be "gushed" over....let them feel appreciated. This is especially important for stay-at-home moms who may get overlooked by poopy kids who don't really know how to show appreciation. Diaper-changing especially should be gushed over.

7) Don't forget the 5-minute rule. The last five minutes of your morning has to sustain your spouse throughout the day. Don't leave without kissing!!!! The first five minutes home has to be the same. If your spouse can expect a warm 5-minute respite from their day with a hug, kiss, and rest on the couch, they will be more willing to respond to that "honey-do" list if it isn't shoved in their face when they first walk in the door. (This is especially important for wives to note: Don't "throw" the kids at your hubby and say "I'm done" the second they come in the door. They've been working all day as well, and want a little rest.)

8) Be content. Tim Barney once told me that he couldn't tell his wife "no" because "she never asks for anything. She is so content." That changed my life. I know that breadwinners stress over where the next dollar will come from for all those little mouths to feed, and probably don't need to add the burden of the latest fashionable boots and the newest decorator's color palate. Look around you, and learn to love what you have without needing more.

9) Focus on the positive. I remember John cleaning his OWN bathroom sink once, leaving the toothpaste and make-up stains in mine. The immediate reaction? "Why the heck couldn't he just do mine as well?" MISSED THE POINT. I forgot the simple fact that by cleaning his own sink, not only was he trying to help me, but he really was doing MY job. I have many more short-comings than he does. I'm glad he tells me "thanks" for being with the kids all day when he comes home to a messy sink full of dishes. He definitely knows how to focus on my good points rather than my bad ones.

10) Keep your spouse's name "safe". This applies both to the golf course as well as to girls' night out. Ask yourself if you would say what you're saying if your spouse was standing right there...and basically if they would be happy with what you're saying! On our cruise, one woman remarked over and over, NOT how fun it was to see Europe, but rather how much fun it was to BE WITH HER HUSBAND. It was very noticable how much she adored him, and consequently, he treated her like a QUEEN. A great example for me.

One sister in my lessson remarked after her husband had been deployed to Iraq for 15 months, they went through a 'honeymoon" period when he returned. But after a few months, she really started to notice how much both of them had changed while they had been apart. She told of how emotional that time was as they were learning, really, to get to know each other again and of adjusting to their "new" spouse. It wasn't fun for her. Then a friend told her that she kept a "husband gratitude journal." Every night, she listed five things she was grateful for about her spouse. Sometimes, on bad nights, it was "he has nice hair." But it forced her to focus on all of the things she loved about him, and helped her forget the things that needed overlooking.

So....enough! I just thought these were some important tips for keeping our marriages happy that we can start to apply immediately! So....kiss kiss... Keep the love alive. --Kim